Thursday, December 15, 2011

Warrior Juice

Well, received my first warrior juice installment today (chemo) it's draining some of my human strength so the warrior strength can fight the cancer. Oh how I still long for Jesus to just speak and heal me. But I also know He is making me more like Him through this, He has a lot of work to do and He needs us to do it. I need to look with compassion, speak to others when I feel the urge, give hugs tell them how much I love them. I will never be close to be like the character of God. I am so marred with sin and human yuckiness so I need to FOLLOW really close behind Him and listen to His Words so I can try just a little to be like Him.

Anyway, I feel OK, much like my morning sickness with Zane. We did notice that I lost almost all color to my face even when I am feeling ok. Which is kinda weird since I always have a reddish look to my cheeks. I am tired and a little queasy at times but really doing ok. My guys are doing ok I think, spent some time down stairs with Zane and now him and dad seem to be getting along ok with a bath and bedtime.

If I feel up to it, Michelle and I are going to go Lincoln to get fitted for my falsies. ha ha. Be we come!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Supporting those around you

It's been awhile since my last post. I have a lot to write about but it seems by the time I get done what I need to get done I am wiped out. I had been writing after Zane went to bed but it seems like he goes to bed later and I go to bed earlier!

To update those that may not be aware of the next phase. I start my chemo treatments on December 15th. It lasts about five hours. I will be taking those treatments every three weeks for a total of six treatments. I also will be having an infusion of an antibody called hermectin (spelling?) every week until the end of March, then every three weeks until December 2012. That infusion takes about an 1.5 hours and there will not be side effects to that. We have some great options for Zane each Thursday, I am wanting to keep it consistent and there are ways we can do that. To start in December we are going to find what works. Grandma Nancy is taking him on the 22nd for the "short" infusion to go spoil him. She has thought of all sorts of things to do with him. My sister also has some flexibility around the holidays to watch him. In Jan, we are going to make a decision on where he will go each Thursday, and with the three or four options I am very comfortable with each of them.

Now for a little insight to my day yesterday and a lesson for me and I hope others that are reading this.

Have you looked around and noticed all they ways you can "support" people. T-shirts, ribbons, car magnets, yogurt tops...the list goes on.

I ended up in Lincoln yesterday morning at Zane's Dr office with a suspicious looking rash by his nose (just dry skin thank goodness) then off to find snow pants and snow boots that fit. But you see I was SUPPOSED to be at an appointment to find a different wig, the one I picked out doesn't come in the color I need. Zane was going to be at a friends house but I was not thrilled about sending him over there to infect her three kids with what looked like impetigo. A good way to loose a sitter :)

I am usually very prepared for clothes for Zane, finding a good deal on name brand clothes at a thrift or consignment stores. Finding cute clothes for him is something I really enjoy, I waited for a baby for so long I just couldn't wait to spoil him!

Sunday after church, start the stress.....The first I realized that his snow pants were a bit too small and he could only wear his snow boots without the liners was when I searched for about half an hour on Sunday for all the gear so he could go play in the snow. With two surgeries a month apart, Dr appointments and the like, it kinda slipped my mind. And it seems like winter just showed up all of a sudden around here.

One thing that really has been hard for me is that when my cancer has impeded on my life. Things  I enjoy and people I love are being pushed aside for things that are really not enjoyable, and at times, downright terrifying. Did I mention since my last surgery that Zane doesn't want me out of the room? Even to the point of sitting in the bathroom while I shower, even if Dad is home. This was one particular evening when I was having a very hard time with my new appearance and a very hard time not bawling while showering, the whole time he is singing "TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR!" at the top of his lungs. It ended up being one of those laughing/crying moments.

So you see why I haven't written lately, there is SO much. I am getting to my point, I go into the office, a new office as of last spring. A whole another story on how we ended up there which shows how detailed God really is! Kathy who we see there gives Him the glory through her work, it was evident the first time I met her. She has received the notes from the Zane's appointment at UNMC in end of October regarding his visit. We had mentioned that I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer (it had been just two weeks I think) in case it played a part in his healthcare. So Kathy sees this and immediately asks how I am doing. Realizing she "knows" I say, well it's been kinda crazy at our house! She shared with me that she is a cancer survivor and that there is a gal in the office there who is a breast cancer survivor. She takes a look at Zane then asks if I want to see this gal to talk to her a bit. So she came in and it was good to talk to someone who has really been there and understands what I am going through. Actually, it was just nice to cry with someone who really knew how I felt.


We head over to Old Navy to find new jeans for Zane and hopefully a coat and pants. Zane is being picky and keeps wandering around the store and loading things in the cart he thinks he needs. Including a $9.00 football. I decided to wait to battle until we get up to the checkout. We find a coat, one he likes so much he wants to wear it out. Good thing because the one he had on was really not warm enough to be walking around in outside. I get to the checkout and hand the gal the ball asking if it's really nine bucks. It is, I tell Zane too expensive, he gladly says ok, if he can take it back. I say, ok, we will do it together. He starts whining about it and gets behind the checkout stand to find it (he is kinda strong willed, he gets it from his dad :) She hands him the ball and he takes off running. I think, well ok, I am by the door so he can't get out and I can see him almost all the way there. She finishes and he isn't back. People are starting to line up behind me. I finish running my card and realize, I didn't pay for the coat! The checker said, just go grab the tag off it and she will ring it up. People are starting to get impatient. I am worried more about the fact he isn't back. I run back there and as it turns out the balls had fallen out when he tried to put his ball back and was trying to get them all stacked up again. I grab the tag and tell him to run back with me (running, ugh!) we are greeted with more impatient looks.  Zane sets off the alarm. Apparently there is a tag that needs to be cut out. The gal behind me walks by and says, I bet he sets them off in all the stores and smiles.

We head out to the parking lot and I work on getting buckled in. I can't lift him easily so I wait for him to climb in. Someone is wanting in their car next to me. I step aside, let her in, wait for her to back out. She laughs and says he has three grown boys and remembers those times!  I go back and work on getting the straps readjusted.  Someone is waiting for the space right next to me. I step aside, well you get the gist...

My point to all of this. Don't worry too much about showing your support through ribbons, t shirts and magnets. (though they are ONE nice way to show support)

When you are busy driving to and from work or shopping, trying to find a parking space or standing in line when a lady and her crazy kid are trying to check out keep in mind,  you don't know what they are going through, you don't need to know the whole story, but GOD DOES and wants YOU to show them the support they need to just get through the day and maybe make things a little more normal even when their lives are far from normal.

If you are having a hard time waiting, take the time you are waiting to pray for them......God has the time to listen.